Of course with me I can’t leave something at the surface level, superficial mindless fun. Writing about photo filters yesterday got me to thinking about the filters we all live with each day, the ones we put on our selfs to meet the expectations of those around us.
For me, there’s Mom filter. This is by far my biggest. It’s tiring and even though they are more self sufficient than ever they are still very dependent on me. I’m thinking about a career change next year and one that I wish I had pursued back when I wasn’t so obligated – the Foreign Service. Professional Mia and Research Mia kicked in looking at all the steps to maybe make such a career change. There are a lot of them and moreover it’s not an easy life. The reality is to do this I would go but my family would stay behind and that isn’t an option. I’m not sure who can’t do that more – me or my kids. So I have to put that goal to the side for another lifetime and that’s ok. It’s a sacrifice well made.
Second biggest – Wife Mia. She’s been doing this for almost 20 years. If you’ve followed along I don’t sugar coat marriage. You won’t see sweeping declarations of love, not that I mind those. I think those are necessary to a healthy relationship, to keeping the idealism of longstanding love while maybe ignoring some of the potholes and sink holes and plummeting canyons that have gotten in the way along the way.
The wife filter can overwhelm sometimes. Once, about 5 years into this, a friend called me by my maiden name and then apologized but I said ‘that’s funny I feel more like that Mia today than I have in a long time’. Identity is illusive and it can be compromised and lost sometimes when coupling with another identity. There’s no right path and every couple does it differently. The most you can do is make sure you haven’t lost your identity to become part of a merger. That is unsustainable and will lead to a sadness that can be crippling and defeating. Find your voice through the things you love and positive experiences. The relationship will be all the better for this.
Those are my two biggest filters but there are other filters of course, Fake Athlete Mia, Tough Girl Mia, Sweet Mia, Old Fashion Mia, Professional Mia, Arty Mia, and the list goes on and on. All of these filters add up to one Mia or you and it’s up to you which filter you give the spotlight at any given time.
It can make all the difference in photograph of your life.