My sister in law started me on a weekly or, depending on the longevity, every other week tradition of the local grocery store’s 3 for $12 flowers. It’s a small luxury but not one I’d ever afforded myself until about a year ago. I went to the store for food, got it home, next. But life is flying by and as I’m typing I’m looking at some beautiful multicolored (but no weird designer colors) Chrysanthemums. The bouquets were big enough to fill three vases this time.
I have to say I love this indulgence. Even better is that this new habit has coincided with my knowledge that I’m fast approaching death one way or another and it might be time to push me back up the totem pole a little. After marriage and kids it’s easy to get lost down at the bottom in the muck where everyone wipes their shoes.
It’s celebrated even, this selfless degenerating thinking, in particular among women who like to keep each other in their place (but as usual with our bad behavior toward each other, men benefit in spades). You are being a good wife, a good mother, selfless putting yourself last so often you forget you even deserve a place in line. You are also not so slowly burying yourself. It is never all or nothing and like everything it is a balance. Still, there should be something more. You have a narrative as well and it deserves stating.
For me, it started with flowers for myself and then the commitment to becoming a writer and maybe even pursuing a more artistic career next year. I don’t know. What it boils down to is that it’s time to be more than a wife and mother and a haggard not super effective business lady. That means stiff arming some people (family) who the outside world will be happy to judge me for and my commitments to them because of this selfish shift of attention. This is where fortitude and turning the deaf ear is key. As a woman be sure you’ll never go so far the other way that anyone really suffers anything except necessary growing pains. We’re not wired that way. So don’t worry about the sipping gnats that tear at your personal growth efforts.
Like the saying goes, ‘you’ll never get to where you’re going if you stop to throw stones at all the dogs that bark at you.’ And ain’t that the truth.