You can’t make a horse drink so the adage goes. You can’t make anything do anything it doesn’t want to do. I learned that the hard way with my youngest. Sometimes you can scare people but at some point if they are set enough against doing something even that won’t work.
Relationship dynamics take up a large part of my books/tales. This particular one is so exhaustive I may never finish trying to capture its nuance. When two people are in a relationship they go through phases but whether it’s obvious or not those phases exist within predetermined expectations. Years of experience, reinforced behavior, will always trigger us back to a ‘same way of going about things’ type of thinking. Things will almost always revert back to the fact that people do what they want to do and they see what they want to see in others.
Sometimes we can hide it early on. Right? I mean we’ve all see those jokes about how we look on a first date and 10 years in. I’ve been with my SO for 15 years. Let me tell you, we’re not the same people as when this saga began. It’s the brutal truth. After awhile once the new wears off, it’s just two people with flaws galore and probably a decent amount of hubris between them. We all know we’re flawed but still we are more comfortable with our flaws than someone else’s. Rita Hayworth’s most famous line wasn’t one from her movies. It was when she said, ‘they go to bed with Gilda and but wake up with me (Rita)’. We start as movie stars and slowly become method actors. The process isn’t always forgiving.
That’s not to say many of us don’t work on our selfs all the time. We pour hours and buy books and find similars and leaders to help guide us to a new way of being in the world. It’s a worthy battle even if it often feels futile as if we’re swimming against the currents.
Still, I’d rather hang out with those of us committed to fighting our demons, striving to be a better us today than we were yesterday, than the others who throw their hands up in futility. There’s enough passing of the buck these days.
Now is a time for action.