It’s hard being in business for yourself. Things boom. Things lull. The general rocking up and down the crests is exhilarating and tiring. There’s something to be said for showing up, getting a check and going home, leaving the problems to someone else.
There’s also something irreplaceable about going it alone. Honestly once you’ve done it, it’s hard to even think about going backward and working for someone else again. The biggest thing is finding the stomach for the uncertainty. That is not an easy thing to do. The highs and lows still scare the crap out of me.
Writing is the same. I rage and write and feel indomitable. Then I hit a desert of emptiness, a dried well of creativity. Nothing I write is good for anything but starting a fire. I once again feel like a fraud. Add to that I don’t just get to hand over my manuscript to an expert team that will send my words out to the universe as perfectly packaged as possible as I wander down a picturesque river contemplating my next project.
No I get to be the one woman marketing, sales, PR show, none of which I’m any good at. What we are, my fellow writers, are small business owners for our creativity. We invest everything we have to be better at our craft, we put our goods out there and we weather the storm when they are rejected or reap the benefits when they soar. It ain’t easy. I guess it wasn’t supposed to be.
But it would be nice if something broke my way with all this. The lack of success can be defeating. Huh, a story idea is hatching, guess I’ll quit later.