Nothing To See Here

It’s tough being a private person on SM. I’ve always been one to keep my cards close to my chest. As I type this, my head is in a fog maybe from exhaustion, certainly could be from oncoming sickness but I think right now my well is empty and that is resulting in the physical reaction of being drained.

This is the sort of thing people share on SM all the time. Sometimes my sniff meter goes off and I keep from rolling an eye as I scroll by sans comment. Other times my mom meter goes off and I want to crawl through the Matrix and wrap the other end up in a hug and a kiss to the temple and maybe they cry or maybe they relax and release into my embrace and share the burden for the briefest moment.

Because it is so hard to know what won’t pass a sniff test and knowing my own sniffing isn’t fail proof, hence the reason I don’t comment when I think I smell a fraud, I don’t post these softer vulnerabilities like I should. I am not brave to the criticism of my truth. I also have things in my life that I protect with vigor, my kids and relationship. Those aren’t for anyone else but me, other than the occasional humble brag on my kids that is.

No one needs to see me to know I exist. I do very much and I am very much flawed, insecure, arrogant, hard-working, soft, human. No one needs to know much about my kids other than they are my sun and moon and don’t ever f’ with them unless you want this mama lion unleashed and rabid. They are utterly and perfectly imperfect joys.

No one needs to know about my relationship other than it has traveled the path of distance and time, often at the cost of me as a person, requiring and demanding of me like a selfish infant. It has taken me on highs that make the euphoria of intoxication seem juvenile and lows that make me wonder how it survived at all. What I’m saying is that despite the very genre I write in relationships are a messy, head tripping long, haul marathon of accomplishment. Don’t ever get complacent in yours.

I’d like to say I’ll get better at this sharing thing, but I probably won’t. I wasn’t raised that way having parents who were very much taught to keep a stiff upper lip and though I’ve rebelled against plenty of their early instructions, this one was pretty deeply ingrained in me. Maybe I’m prone to the cautious behavior to begin with.

All I can say is you can see plenty of me in my writing and comments I post and things I retweet. I SM (yes I just made SM a verb) with deliberation. If I’ve retweeted or commented it’s for a reason, even if that reason is pure fun. So you know.

Published by miasotowrites

Wannabe Writer Tired Mother Aspiring Slacker

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