I’m a busy bee, mostly by necessity, some by nature. I like being bored. I remember in earlier days taking long naps on Saturdays and Sundays and then going to bed and sleeping all night. If I did that now I’d be up by 2am. As it is I’m up at 2am begging my brain to shut off and go back to sleep.
My youngest is the polar opposite of me. I’m always saying move with a purpose but that child’s purpose is to wander, slowly, in circles. I can’t lie it drives me nuts even as I’m green with envy over their ‘whatevs’ outlook. We’re late, whatever. I didn’t study, so what?
As frustrating as that child is, I’m sure they are living their best life much more than I am. Because me with my deadlines and meetings and calendar apps and everlasting multitasking is tired. So tired I don’t know how to rest and when given the opportunity these days feel uncomfortable trying to rest.
That’s not good. There’s no envy in that. I see Elon Musk tweeting at all hours talking about never sleeping. It may sound exciting, romantic, but it isn’t and however great a genius Musk may be he’s not better for never resting. Although, he is a ridiculous wealth stream of innovation and forward thinking…so maybe I’m wrong.
Anyway, one of my upcoming resolution is to slow down, to not care if I don’t respond to something in a timely way, to go to sleep and stay there because whatever it is can wait. We’ll see. This is a little like asking a grandma not to bake cookies for her grandchildren. But I’m going to try and I honestly believe my writing is going to flourish for this new outlook. I’m going to be able to imagine new, different characters. Characters that push the boundaries of things I don’t understand or aren’t comfortable with.
But first I need to slow down long enough to meet them.